On Expressing

It’s a long time since I lost that bubble I use to live in where I wouldn’t take everything so seriously in the first place. Everything is okay as a child, like walking around alone at a playground is fine, didn’t have to necessarily mean anything. Everything was so easy going, like not getting what you want was totally fine, as soon as your mom distracted you with a random insect on the wall. Everything would be fine in just a few milliseconds, like one second I was barking at my sibling for pulling my hair, the next we’re sharing food and giggling at some stranger. Expressing every thought was like an auto-set thing, blabbing away everything.a821f2dad2c25bd54472476fe039628332c1bf838adc47a86b55dc0921e24a86_1

Did I have no emotions? Was I not mature then? Or was it that I saw the world differently when I wasn’t busy behaving like “grown ups” (ADULT-ING)?

Why does everything have to become so much more complicated when we are adults? Like I got that a lot “ Grow up!” as a kid and I was, physically, but my mental state was like how do I do that? I though it was all about taking responsibilities and not letting people know exactly how you felt. But trust me I had it all wrong all this while.

My friend Kavita told me this once, even a toddler has a responsibility of learning how to talk and walk, and call its mom for a loo break, which made so much sense. About sharing Landmark Education has made a life altering learning for me. Not telling people how you feel is like having a cellphone and pretending to message someone when you’re awkward around people. We are all growing, learning and feeling different things at all the points of our lives. None of that stops whether you’re 20, 40 or 8 years old.

We all have some emotional baggage when we don’t let people in our lives know how we feel and here is a friend willing to share his experience on how some alone time at Prague really gave him the perspective in his life and his relationships and how speaking about how he feels made a world of a difference.

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“I just had a breakup and ‘Prague The Romantic City’ was my Snapchat filter. Trust me it made me fall in love, the place. Life doesn’t run a clear course all the time. I just had a break and I was in a romantic city. It was suicidal. I was thrilled; I was on a holiday in Europe doing what I always wanted to do and at the same time there was an empty feeling. I would walk down old lanes, squares and sit by the river lost in memories I have cherished.

There are times we just can’t get over things. You love someone because you can’t help it. It stays even when you just met, when you are dating and even much after you breakup. It’s not in us to start hating someone we love. When you fall in love with someone you learn from them. You give your 100% in the relationship because it means something to you. The memories one carries are so beautiful he would carry them to the grave. I packed it with me to Prague.

Sometimes things don’t last and situations change and there are different things we want from life. There could be ambitions, or we have different dreams. I think not ending up together, doesn’t change the significance of what we had. It just means it has done its part. I had sleepless nights for weeks because it was something real to both of us.

What did Europe have to do? – For me it was the travel. When you travel you meet yourself or so I had heard. Well I felt, you spend time with the person you are and who you have become over time. How life has played with you. There are moments you are all alone. I was in a place where I didn’t know anyone. I couldn’t share the way I felt. I gave things a thought.

It made me realize I was holding on to something that was long gone. And in the process of which ruining myself. I felt I had changed. Rude replies, ignorant about my close ones. Someone who didn’t care anymore. I would just want to avoid people. Anyone in that case.

“It’s only when you risk failure that you discover things. When you play it safe, you’re not expressing the utmost of your human experience.” Lupita Nyong’o

The sooner you realize it’s not worth crying over spilt milk the better. When I got back I had learnt there was so much more to life. So many opportunities, and how beautiful life is. I decided to make that call. Putting everything aside and coming to a place where we could be friends. Letting your heart out to them. I know it’s very difficult to make that call. Just know that it’s important for what you had with them, because no one knows what you had better than them.

I told her how special were the times we have had. That I was glad I had her in my life. That I’m fine with how things are.

It’s tough to be emotionally attached and accept things later. The feeling you get when you let it off your chest. That’s just fantastic and peaceful.”

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So that’s something we were really good at as kids, just pouring our hearts out and heaving a sigh of relief. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience, it gives me so much courage to just be like that again, where I wasn’t scared to say what I feel and I wouldn’t take everything so seriously in the first place.

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